Failed Vasectomy? Or Successful God?

Last month I shared with you my birth stories, and I found it to be a lot of fun to reminisce those births.  Today I want to take the time to share with you our surprise story, which some people call a failed vasectomy.  But now I can see this event as God being successful at doing some good work.

failedvasectomy

The beginning may not sound so wonderful, but let me tell you, we are more that excited and full of joy with our sweet little surprise!

I’ll be honest, I’m a little embarrassed to admit my initial feelings regarding our surprise pregnancy.  Quite frankly, I don’t have a big family because I wanted to have oodles of children, or because I just love children so much, or because I’ve always wanted to be a mother (you can read about that transition here).  And much of those feelings send me on a guilt trip of thinking I must be a “less than” mother.

Honestly, other than God displaying his awesomeness to me and others, I really have no idea why he allowed me to mother five children.  Our story of having a surprise baby has more to do with God’s power than me being a “good” mom with a “good” heart.  What you’ll read has more of my selfish desires, my raw emotions, and God stepping in to reveal himself in a mighty, yet gentle way.

Before our surprise:

After my fourth child, my husband had a vasectomy, followed doctor’s orders, received check-ups, and then was declared infertile.  As my fourth baby outgrew her baby clothes, and items we gave them away permanently.  I was then excited.  I finally had storage space in my house, and I finally had a school room (which used to be the nursery).  Having space instead of a new baby may seem trivial and down right selfish, but well…here I am…trivial and selfish, and in great need of a greater God.

Discovering our surprise:

It seems to me that most women would understand how I discovered our surprise.  But I’ve had numerous people ask me, “How did you know you were pregnant?”  Being frank, I missed my period, and the only times in my life that I’ve missed my periods were when I was pregnant.

Our initial reaction:

Shock, and disbelief was probably the best way to describe our reaction to our little discovery.  Both my husband and I kept asking, “How did this happen?”  Well, we knew how (as in the birds and the bees), but we didn’t know how (as in…he just had a vasectomy!)

At the time of our discovery, we were both under a lot of stress: I had a broken foot, was hobbling around on crutches, and dependant on friends to run my grocery trips for me.  My husband was overwhelmed with work, which involved an out-of-town trip for a few days.  We literally pretended that I wasn’t pregnant; neither of us were quite ready to wrap our brains around the change of plans.

My raw emotions:

After receiving confirmation through the home pregnancy test, I spent some time in tears.  It was difficult enough to continue homeschooling with a broken foot, but add a pregnancy on top of that, and I often wondered how these children were going to be educated.  My plans weren’t working out the way I thought they would, and I knew instantly that my plans for the next few years weren’t going to be what I wanted.  Again, reveling my selfish nature.  That I was more concerned about my plans rather than the life that was given to me.  And again, reveling my need for Jesus to supernaturally intervene.

I didn’t shed tears just over plans, but also at the thought of ruining another child.  At the time I was suffering quite a bit from mommy guilt, and felt that I was failing miserably as a mother.  I could think of countless women who would do a far better job of mothering them, and these poor children had me.

Looking back I can see the irrationality of those feelings, but with skewed plans, roller-coaster emotions, and stress, it was what I felt.  And the tears were shed to my heavenly father who I knew could understand.  I also knew I needed to shed these emotions to the Lord, because bottling them up simply isn’t healthy.

I wasn’t alarmed with having these feelings, because after having my first child, God changed my unloving heart.  And if God could change my heart then, he can do it again.  So, I trusted him.

Shortly after my emotional reaction, I felt guilty.  Here I am bemoaning having a fifth child, and there are countless women who are yearning for one child.  How I’ve been blessed, and I was treating that blessing like a curse.  That was a conversation I had to have with the Lord as well.  The conclusion I came to though, was that my emotions were real, and as strange as it may sound (and may even sound appalling to some), the fact is the Lord gave me a peace to be upset over this for a short time.

I felt that he was telling me it was ok to mourn over the loss of my plans, as long as I was expressing that to him in a healthy manner.

It seems strange, and almost cruel to admit that, as if I’m stating having a child is something to mourn over.  I don’t know that I can fully explain this aspect, but I can tell you that God confirmed with me that he would lead me out of these feelings.  I knew that we would love, and welcome this baby into our arms.

I just didn’t know when.

What the doctor said.

When my husband went back to the doctor, the doctor told him that he was fertile again.  Upon receiving that message I responded with, “I could have told you that!  Tell him to tell us something we don’t know.”  I still laugh at that!  Of course he was fertile, because I was pregnant!

My husband chose to undergo a redo, where the doctor performs the surgery again.  I was very curious about if my husband’s body had grown back together during this time period.  But the doctor confirmed with me, everything was in its place.  Nothing had changed, yet somehow, he went from infertile to fertile.

In the medical world this situation is described as a failed vasectomy, but my pregnancy wasn’t a failure.  It was God doing what he does very well-accomplishing his goals for his purposes.  No matter what our plans, he had a bigger plan, and displayed his capabilities not only to us, but to the world.

She’s our miracle baby.

The remainder of the pregnancy.

Because of my initial reaction, I was fully prepared to experience my entire pregnancy without feeling excitement about having another baby.  As I stated before, I was confident that I would still love my baby even though the excitement wasn’t there.  However, somewhere along the way, God changed my heart.

I knew I didn’t have to feel excitement for my pregnancy in order to love my baby, but he was gracious and gave me that excitement anyway.

I can’t tell you exactly when this happened, but by the end of the pregnancy I was looking forward to having another baby.  I wasn’t expecting to experience that at all, but God is good, and he filled me with this joy.

Our cup overflows.

My husband says that with four children our cup was full, but now with our little miracle, our cup overflows.  And it does.  So many times I hold her and smile about our miracle baby.  She brings such joy to us, and I marvel so many days that God chose to give her to us.  Why?  I don’t know, but what an honor, what a blessing to have her and the other children.

Our story is not about a failed vasectomy, but instead about God being successful.  He didn’t just give us a miracle baby, but once again transformed a hardened heart.

Take heart, my friends, if you’re faced with feelings for your circumstances that are undesirable, and may leave you wondering what kind of mother you really are.  Trust God with your feelings, and trust him to lead you to where you need to be.  (←Tweet that!)

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I’d love to hear your thoughts!  Share what you think about our little miracle story.  What’s something wonderful that God has done for you lately?

30 thoughts on “Failed Vasectomy? Or Successful God?

  1. I have a 7 month old son right now, my 4th kid, and my husband is scheduled for a vasectomy next month. It failing is something I’m so scared of. I don’t think its selfish at all to be saddened by the change of plans, I certainly would’ve been. I’m glad you were able to find joy in the pregnancy and congrats on such a miracle baby!! I have to say if it happens to us I’m secretly hoping for a girl. 😉
    Lacy recently posted…Letters from SantaMy Profile

    1. Thank you, Lacy! I go back and forth over the disappointment of the change of plans with this experience, but I have come to the conclusion that yes, it was a selfish reaction on my part, but nothing that I need to feel guilty about.

      God definitely has a way of keeping us on our toes! Before I never even considered being scared that the vasectomy would fail, but God is good to provide what we need even when we’re frightened about the possibilities. Blessings to you, and thanks for visiting!

      1. Caroline, Thank you for sharing your story! 10 years ago my husband had a vasectomy. We had just had our second daughter and we were extremely busy and stressed with work and ministry and parenting…and afraid of failure as parents. Fast forward and our girls are 13 & 10. They are happy, healthy, and well adjusted and I am filled with regret every day for that decision we made. For7 years we have prayed for God to make a way to grow our family with more babies. Every month for 7 years I have secretly begged God for a miracle pregnancy…but that doesn’t seem to be in the cards for us.

  2. I’ve often wished over the last 9+ years that God would reconnect dh’s plumbing for us. However, if He had, I doubt we ever would have taken the adoption plunge, so while I might still have had 10 kids, the last 3 wouldn’t have been Chinese! It all works out, I suppose, but oh, to be pregnant and NURSING one last time…!
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  3. I was so excited to read this!! Our story is the same except 2 “failed vasectomies”! We decided 3 children was enough for us. Hubby went in for the 1st vasectomy and 6 months later I was pregnant! I experienced the same feelings as you described. After having our 4 th child( our bonus blessing #1) hubby went in for 2nd vasectomy. The doctors told him there were “no swimmers” but did the vasectomy anyways and said there was No Way we would be pregnant again! Well, a little over 1 year later I was pregnant again!! I had the same feelings as the first time but even worse……yes, it is pure selfishness! I was very thankful for a strong Christian husband, good church friends that came and prayed with me and a wonderful christian doctor who never mentioned aborting! Our 5th child(bonus blessing #2) is now 18 months old and climbing on Everything! Yes, life would be easier with less children….homeschooling would definitely run smoother(again, selfishly speaking) but it would not be the same and I could not imagine life without my two bonus blessings! When people hear our story we always say, God knows so much better than we do and we thank Him everyday for that!!

    1. Yes, definitely thankful for the spiritual family God surrounds us with! I agree, it would not be the same at all without the sweet little blessings! I often wonder if God will continue to surprise us, guess we’ll have to wait and find out. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your story, I enjoyed it very much, and gave my husband and I a giggle. 🙂

    2. Wow! I thought I was the only one this had happened to. My husband also had a TWICE failed vasectomy. We did exactly as we were told by the urologist too. I’m due in 3 weeks with number 5 and am so excited to love on this baby. Although it took some time to get used to the idea, I am so grateful!

      1. So nice to hear that we’re not the only ones! Congratulations on your little one! Yes, it does take time to get used to the idea of another little one when we’re not expecting to have another little one. Blessings for your delivery, and recovery!

  4. Thank you for sharing this! My husband and I are at the point in our lives where we “think” we are done having children. We have 4 with the youngest being 3. I have twinges of overwhelming sadness at the thought of being done having children. But, I have also been on a weight loss journey for 7 months and the thought of my plans being “ruined” by having another child terrify me. I am trusting God for His plans for my family. {I should add that my husband doesn’t want to get a vasectomy, but he is “happy with the # of kiddos that we have…” hmmm….} So again, thank you for sharing! 😀

    1. It’s a hard place to be in deciding when to stop having more children, and it’s hard to make plans not knowing what the future holds. So glad you enjoyed this! Trusting God is definitely the way to go, and he is great at providing for our needs. 🙂

  5. all tears in my eyes because of your story I am in South Africa and life is very very expensive I make jewelry and crochet head bands my hubby has 2 kids from previous marriage and my oldest we have 1 daughter together she just turned 2 last year sept dad had the vasectomy I stayed on the pill for 6 months and sunday we went to the clinic yes I am late and its not an unusual thing in my life Ive been irregular forever but weget fod from school and chruch we just cant afford another child I dont have a steady income but yes GOD makes no mistakes sunday we are going back we went to the clinic because I was blocked for about 9 days which is very very unusual well at the clinic she asked when las was my period and then it hit me its been at the begining of july the test wasnt very solid so I have to go back this sunday the sister want to make sure and my bp was also too hign also a very usual thing when Im pregnaant daddy also is vomiting in the moring same as with nishka he had all the most cravings and morning sickness I love eggs very much the smell sends me straight for the bathroom so yes I am so selfish scared and afraid but GOD is bigger and do hope I will get my boy that I lost 4 years ago will let you know sunday after 19:00

  6. Wow thank you so much for sharing that story, my husband didn’t want anymore children with his ex wife so had a vasectomy 9 years ago this April. Of course they were separated that December and divorced the following summer, he came looking for me (we knew each other before) he found me he told me he wanted to get the vasectomy reversed so we were married a year later. 6 months after we were married we were so excited cause he was getting his reversal only to be devastated many months later that it was not a success, we already had baby names picked out and all. It gives me hope to hear these stories as I haven’t got to have any children yet i will be 31 this April and its been a little over 5 years since his reversal. The last test he had done was 2 years ago this July where they said there was absolutely nothing there now but like you say God makes all the final decisions!! Thanks again

  7. Thank you so much for this post, our story is all too similar. Expecting #5 after vasectomy with follow ups being clear. I also went through the “selfish” phase of why us and how will this work? And then it hit me that it must have been meant to be and this baby was given to us for some reason. The Lord had different plans for us than our original plan and now I feel like we have put it all in God’s hands and he knows what we need. Your story helped tremendously to reconfirm our feelings as many people seem to think that not having the baby was a better option in which I had never considered even for a minute and didn’t even want to hear their reasonings. My children are my world, I still run into their rooms in the mornings to wake them because I missed them during the night, I know sounds silly but it’s one of my favorite parts of my day! I know this baby will also bring so much joy into our lives, now just to get through this pregnancy ignoring everyone’s comments and silly jokes 🙂

    1. Oh Michelle, I’m so glad our story is helpful for you, and gives you the confirmation you need! Yes, God most definitely has a plan for you, and your new little one! Even though it’s difficult for other people to understand that, it’s great to hear that you understand the special blessing the Lord has bestowed upon you. How precious that you still enjoy waking your children; I love hearing other people enjoying the blessings that come with children. 🙂

      Blessings to you & your new little one!

  8. My husband is actually having a vasectomy reversal. I wish this had happened to us but honestly, we realized God never gave us permission to go cutting up our bodies that are His, bought and paid for. I can’t believe after reconciling that God had His hand in your 5th child’s birth that your husband would opt to once again be cut up. Children are a gift of the Lord, thus preventing anymore “surprises”.

    1. Yes, children are a gift from the Lord, and I’ll reassure you that neither of us would make this decision if we felt the Lord leading us not to.

  9. Thank you for your story! I have just found out we are expecting 5th after husbands vasectomy late last year! I am happy 🙂 but realise it’s early stages and need to pray a lot! Really thankful to the Lord! God bless xox

  10. Dh had a vasectomy 8 yrs ago, I believe God put it in my heart to have another baby. Been trying for a year, please stand in prayer for me as I truly believe I’m suppose to have another baby

  11. Lovely story! My hubby’s vasectomy failed after 2.5 years. I went through very similar emotions as well. We already were blessed with 7 healthy, great kids! My husband had recently lost his job. I worked part time. My pregnancies were hard and I was very sick for the first four months of each of them. We didn’t have family help really either & some turned there backs when we told them. The pregnancy was like none other I’d had. Bleeding throughout first 14 weeks. I struggled through depression during it…asking God why me and not a woman wanting her first. But after much prayer my hardened heart melted and made a perfect place for our new baby. I hoped for a girl…but had an 11 pound boy with a midwife. We nearly lost him at delivery. I’m so very thankful for unanswered prayers. God knew who we needed and it was this perfect baby boy. We waiver about repeating the vasectomy. I see a few others dh’s in this thread have had them heal twice!? I just can’t seem to feel what God wants us to do. I look at this baby and I see what a miracle he is. Sorry so long. It feels so nice sharing. And thank you for your honesty. Blessings!

    1. Oh wow! Thank you for sharing with me! What an amazing experience, to see the Lord through so much happening during your pregnancy and birth. What a blessing to all of us reading this that we can see how the Lord prevails during these trying circumstances. Those emotions are something crazy, aren’t they? But praise the Lord for walking us through them!

      Decisions about repeat vasectomies are so personal, and tough to make. My prayer is that the Lord will make clear to both you and your husband what His desire is for you and your family. Many blessings to you!

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